Sue Ann Says: NOTHING Justifies Domestic Abuse and Violence 

I’m really concerned. Last fall, the Wisconsin Coalition Against Domestic Violence (WCADV) released the 2009 Wisconsin Domestic Violence Homicide Report. It’s main point? Domestic violence homicides in Wisconsin have reached a record high: 

• 67 people were killed in 47 domestic violence incidents, 12 of them in Milwaukee County. This represents the highest total since WCADV started collecting the data in 2000. 
• 15 individuals killed themselves after taking the life of a current or former intimate partner. 
• In 45% of the fatal incidents, there was a known history of domestic violence. 
• African-Americans were disproportionately affected. 27% of the murder victims were black, yet African-Americans make up only about 6% of the population. 

Now, the report provides a variety of reasons for the increase like the difficult economy and limited resources for domestic violence agencies. But NOTHING justifies domestic abuse – not money problems, alcohol, drugs, marriage, depression or jealousy. 

I wanted to take the opportunity in this column to remind you about what defines domestic abuse and the actions you should take to end it, whether you’re a victim, family member, friend or co-worker. 

What Is Domestic Abuse? 
Domestic abuse occurs in many forms. Each is marked by a pattern of power and control. 

Physical. Slapping, hitting, punching, kicking, physical restraint, strangulation, aggravated assault, withholding medication, and forcing someone to take drugs. 

Emotional. Extreme displays of jealousy and possession, intimidation, blaming the victim for their problems, degrading and disrespectful behavior and comments, withholding communication, social isolation (i.e., preventing the victim from seeing friends or family), and threats of physical or sexual violence. 

Verbal. Name-calling; yelling; criticizing the victim’s appearance, actions and beliefs; humiliating the victim in public. 

Sexual. Sexual activity following a physically abusive incident, threats of infidelity, coerced sex acts, forcible intercourse, denial of contraception, coerced abortion, and sexual mutilation. 

Economic. Refusing to share control of family finances; destroying, giving away or selling the victim’s property without their consent; and using money as a tool to control the victim’s behavior or get what they want. 

What to do if you think you’re a victim of domestic abuse
If you are a victim of domestic abuse and are in immediate danger call 911. 

If something about your relationship with your partner scares you and you need to talk, find the number for a program near you, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline Domestic Violence Hotline, 1- 800-799-SAFE or 1-800-799-7233; for the nearest sexual assault hotline in your area, call the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) at 800-656-HOPE or 800-656-4673. You will reach an advocate who can talk with you about your situation, your safety, and the options available to you. All conversations with advocates at local programs or at the National Domestic Violence Hotline are strictly confidential. 

You can also ask for support and information from other professionals such as law enforcement, health care providers or faith community members. Be aware, that certain professionals may be mandatory reporters, meaning they would have to report to an investigative/enforcement agency any kind of physical or sexual abuse that you might share. 

If you’re being abused, know this…you are not alone. You don’t deserve to be hurt, and nothing you did made the abuse happen. There is free and confidential support available. 

Because it all begins with a healthy woman… 

Sue Ann Thompson is founder and president of the Wisconsin Women’s Health Foundation (WWHF), a statewide non-profit organization whose mission is to help Wisconsin women and their families reach their healthiest potential. WWHF provides programs and conducts forums that focus on education, prevention, and early detection of diseases that affect women the most; connects individuals to health resources; produces and distributes the most up-to-date health education and resource materials; and, awards grants and scholarships to women health researchers and related community non-profits. To learn more, visit wwhf.org or call 1-800-448-5148. 

Remember: Victims do not cause the abuse, and nothing a victim says or does can excuse the abuse. Abusers bear sole responsibility for their actions. 
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TTY) 
Deaf Unity Hotline: help@deafunitywi.org 
Hmong Domestic Violence Helpline: 877-740-4292 toll-free crisis 
National Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474, 1-866-331-8453 TTY